Missing

I miss my Grandma Perkins a lot lately, but especially today. I stopped by to see her grave. I did that a year ago, and there wasn't a headstone then, so I was grateful there was one today. She is buried under a big, beautiful tree. It was close to 9 PM at night, and the cemetery was deserted. Just barely enough light to find my way. I love that she's buried under that big, beautiful tree, for a few reasons. The first being that it's easy for me to find it. The second being that it's such a peaceful area. I sat by her grave and talked to her for a while, and I felt a peaceful contentment. I felt her presence with me. I wonder what she would say to me if I told her my current situations in my life, the choices I have made recently, and the decisions I need to make for my future. I can hear her saying, "Quin, you are a beautiful woman. God made you intelligent and wise to make your own decisions.." something like that. I used to hate when I was little, how my grandma would call me Quin. She REFUSED to call me Tawna. She was the only person I would let call me that. It took me a really long time to embrace my full name. But now, I treasure that I let her be the only one to call me that. I have a lot of friends who now call me that, and I always am reminded of my grandma when I hear it.

I am very proud of my heritage, and the family I come from. I know that my grandma was an amazing woman who had a Christlike heart and I want her to be proud of me. I need to keep her in mind as I make some important decisions in my life. I love you grandma. Thank you for helping me to love myself.